A Mom’s Guide to loving your child through the difficult times while keeping your sanity intact
She is the Mom of an out of control teen and tells a story of a Mother’s love and her determination.She specializes in taking care of Moms
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What brought you to this work?
Her son was difficult. Everything except get a girl pregnant. It started in elementary school. We weren’t good parents because we didn’t have good parents. On top of that, we didn’t know how to deal with this behavior. Some of the alternatives like sending your child away is heartbreaking.
When he was 13, everything was anger and conflict. He started smoking, doing drugs, gaming, wouldn’t go to school, he would have on-line relationships, he shoplifted. The police called a few times.
She sent him to Washington to live with a relative and he got arrested during that time after being there for only a week.
She did not give up. What she was doing was not working. He was in a special program at the continuing high school campus. He would get into trouble at school. He was home for four months. It was escalating. We tried so many different things.
Social skills class, therapy, medication, sports, church,
She finally turned to her minister for help.
He asked her, Do you want this kin of prison for your son, or this kind?
We made the decision to send him away.
Her son didn’t have any idea why. He thought he was fine.
No remorse. No empathy. No apologies.
There are educational Consultants that help you research therapeutic schools. Fusion Academy is one that they tried. for kids that don’t fit in the mold.
They know the programs that are available and they are so helpful. You can Google it.
Prepare to Bloom is the one she is working with now. They keep up with programs and the industry.
Her son went to a residential therapeutic school in Southern Utah. They didn’t speak to him for three months. Then there were weekly calls with his therapist. It was tough and it was a relief. She was scared, sad and walked on eggshells. You hire a company in the middle of the night to come and get your child to go to the school. We love you and goodbye. Then it went dark and quiet.
He was gone for 15 months. He was home for 3 months and then they sent him away again. This happened several times. The put him in a boarding school in New Hampshire for his senior year. He got kicked out a month before he graduated.
But he did get to graduate. That was the goal. You want them to be alive and off drugs.
Let’s talk about Lisa’s journey. There was not a lot of support out there for parents who are going through this experience. That is why she decided to support Moms. Everyone wants to fix the teenagers.
We treat the symptoms but what is the root cause and the dynamics.
She was parenting through guilt. “would you be doing this in front of your friends?”
She had to change her habits. She had to tell herself to shut up. It is better to not say anything.
She raised herself. She was a latch key child.
There is a lot of support for the Mom’s of younger babies and then it goes dark. There is not a lot of groups out there.
We needed to treat him like a competent person. We have all created beliefs about a person. Everything feels unworthy at times. We need to give them the platform to feel what they need to feel. Feel the pain is the only way through it.
The Mask you live in is a film all about toxic masculinity. There are 1 in 5 people who are highly sensitive. His son learned this behavior to protect his heart.
After graduation, he went to a local college and he didn’t do well. They told him he needed to move out and be responsible. He did. He saw that it wasn’t all about him. He was working at a real job! He is happy and they connect. What does he think about this now? She got his permission to write the book. He doesn’t have an issue about sharing. He wants to let that part of his life go.
What other work did Lisa do? She was miserable at the corporate job. She wanted to be an EFT practitioner. She became certified. 8 weeks of writing a book you go through who is your audience and then she wrote the book in 10 days. This is where the focus came in.
The book was cathartic and she continued to heal and acknowledge what she had gone through.
How did your husband evolve over time? Her heart goes out to single parents. He took a bit longer to come around. He started to connect with their son in a way that gave him authority, competency and respect as a person. It is amazing that the two of you stayed in tune with each other during difficult times.
It impacts everyone in the family. Lisa recommends that you work with the Moms. Tapping is great to move through emotions. Then you can think more clearly. The heart has more neurons than the brain. This is called heart rate variability. It starts with you. Work through emotions. Then make good decisions. You can put expectations on the table. Don’t do mind reading. You shift when you start with yourself. It is about our beliefs and how we see the world around us. We can change beliefs that we have about us or our children. Stop labeling yourself. Don’t hold onto those forever and ever. If it isn’t serving you, let it go.
Follow the tapping exercises in her book to learn how to release old beliefs. I deeply love and accept myself is a good statement. You can re frame. It is ok to not do things perfectly.
Matrix Reimprinting? It an advanced EFT technique. You can work with your younger selves during the time when they are going through a trauma.
You can tap on your 3 year old self. And ask them how this picture would change (the trauma) and imprint the new picture into the body. You no longer carry the trauma and you form a new belief. It is changes at a deep level.
Energy can spin around itself. It allows energy to move through you. Tapping allows this to happen.
Moms in general can learn to help kids at a young age to work through their emotions. They don’t have to have baggage!
Lisa helps people of all ages! Both of Lisa’s children are doing awesome now and it makes her so happy!
Breaking generational chains!
Parting words: treat your children as people first and children second.
Lisa Gay Nichols
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